Don’t Screw Up The DJ…

Hey DJ, Don’t Play Me THAT Song…

I can’t personally attest to the stress and organization that must go into planning a wedding. Thankfully (and somewhat sad) I have yet to go down that road a marital pull-each-other’s-hair-out stress. I haven’t found that one girl that makes the thought of banging my head through a wall over the proper style of candle votive or the perfect combination of colors for the flower bouquets. THAT will be one hell of a woman!

Besides all of the shopping for decorations at places we guys never dare set foot in, like Michaels…blehhhh…and color coordinating that has to be considered when planning the “most important day of your life!” (At least for the bride. What? Come on…they start “hope-chests” when they are still in middle’s a way bigger day for them than the groom, by default) there are a plethora of other things that must be considered also. We dudes are only concerned with scoring some smoke and talking about “that one time” and our awesome snowboard adventures at that age and really couldn’t be bothered with “the future Mrs. So-n-so”

Obviously you must consult with God. Having the right “Master of Ceremony” is crucial. He nearly gets as much face-time with your guests as you do, at least during the ceremony. Some, if not chosen well, might take advantage of this momentary spotlight to “soapbox” to your guests in mostly unwelcome, unwanted ways. I’ve been to some pretty awkward ceremonies where it was obvious that the very secular couple misjudged the minister and found out in real-time that he was much more of a conservative, Bible thumper than he let on to in your one-on-one meet and greets. 15-20 minutes after he has tried to win the souls of the congregation as though they were his own “Sunday Crew”, the bride is fuming and the groom is swaying and fidgeting, hoping it will stop sooner than it ever does.

But the selection of music a.k.a. the DJ is by far thee most important “hire” the bride and groom make. Hence the need to be thorough when choosing what “fun maker” you want dropping the beats on your Perfect Day! You could regret it very much if you aren’t…

You’ll Spin Me Right Round, Baby…(I hope)

Why is the DJ the most important instrument in the choir/your wedding? Because he literally has the ability to change the mood of your entire event. Even if everyone is already in great spirits (no hell-fire and damnation ceremony having just endured) he has the ability to push them through the frickin’ roof, or conversely, make them want to gouge their eyes out of their sockets with the complimentary “party favor/thank you” gift that the bride and groom so thoughtfully placed at each table position.

When it comes to hiring the proper DJ you need to be presented with a “portfolio” of work done, a resume if you will, and possibly some actual footage from previous weddings your would-be connoisseur of all things musical. It isn’t always easy and it may take some time, but that time spent is well worth the payoff.

“Nerd” vs. “WORD!”

How many weddings have you been to where you look around at all the decorations and the quality of venue and think to yourself “Damn, nicely done guys” and then the DJ comes on to announce the wedding party’s entrance and it sounds like a dude that still lives with his mom, has very few friends, and thinks he’s awesome as he LOUDLY shouts the party, seemingly unaware of how loud he actually is to everyone on the receiving end of the speaker system.

I’ll give them props for sticking to their guns despite all the crazed and shocked looks they must know they’re getting from the guests as while they hold a hand over one ear and proceed to wipe the blood from them.

It’s a Make-or-BREAK type of hire and it is one that cannot be determined nonchalantly! I’ve been to AWESOME weddings with equally awesome DJ’s and I will forever remember those occasions the same way every bride and groom do. The rest I do my best to push back into the recesses of my “Worst wedding ever!” gray matter.

Don’t screw it up Happy Couple!



Always Get a ‘Tinted’ Limo…

You may Kiss the Bride…If you can see her!

Thanks God wedding season is coming to a close…ok, it’s never closed, I know. But I have been to so many weddings this Summer (probably why I’ve been missing in action here, truthfully! Ironic, right?) that I have perma-wedding hangover. At least the booze was free for the most part! Guess I’d rather get drunk for free at a raging wedding than having to spend my own money at a bar every weekend. I’m a jerk…I know.

Since the majority of weddings I’ve been to have been my sucker friends that finally gave in and took the plunge, that means that I’ve been in a lot of them. I have a lot of good friends. The one thing I don’t understand is why anyone would hire a limo service and get a vehicle that didn’t have a tint job on them…seriously?!

There are few things worse about an otherwise awesome wedding than a stretch Lincoln Navigator without tinted windows…I didn’t even know they existed!

You know how when you go into a bar in the middle of the day and the very few people that are actually there are mostly tucked away in the dark corners and recesses of the bar? Why do you think that is? It’s because we do naughty things when we are drinking and it is built within us to hide it from the world so as not to be publicly shamed!

This couple got the cheap tint job…and now everyone knows!

I can’t think of another similar event to weddings that I have witnessed more debauchery inside the “wedding party” car, especially when it’s a tight nit group of friends like mine! Everyone is making out with everyone else, except the bride and groom, of course. They’re already so far up in each others’ grills they couldn’t be bothered with anything or anyone else anyway.

Nice No-Tint Job Bro…

So therein lies the problem with not having professional window tinting on your wedding parties vehicle, especially a SUMMER wedding. We don’t want people seeing what is going on inside, man! The tint (hopefully extra dark) on the windows is our “safety shield” from all the moms and dads and kids. We don’t want Mom and Dad admonishing the entire wedding party for the inappropriate behavior they see happening as the vehicle rolls up to the wedding hall…we know that they know it is happening, but we still feel that kiddish guilt and try to hide it from them.

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My brother is getting married…what to wear, what to wear..

I think we can all agree that when a family member is getting married, it’s a pretty damn big deal, right? Everything about it becomes so much more important. It makes sense really. When a friend or, more often than not, a complete stranger gets married it has a different feel to it. Celebration, of course! But with family, it takes on a whole other level of importance and meaning. Having been to so many weddings in the past as a guest or actually being in the weddings, I have begun to be sick of them over the years. They’re fun to go to the reception, but even that can be awkward when you don’t know anyone. Luckily I make friends pretty easily; but some people are too awkward, even for me!

But this is different! It’s my brother!! I’m so excited for him and so very excited to have a new member added to the family. AND even more excited that they most definitely will be having babies! I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and he needs nieces and nephews to play with and go visit during the Summer. As it stands right now, I am the only one of 4 siblings to have a child of their own yet. My older sister and her husband have been married for a few years now but they don’t have plans for kids yet. They are both very busy and kids would be a huge life adjustment for them both. Not that it isn’t for everyone, but especially for them.

Their wedding was amazing! It was in Chicago at this very colorful venue on the southeast side of the city that was perfect for my sister and her husband. They are very Bohemian in their personal preferences and personal style. Of course my brother and other sister and I were in the wedding, so we got to ride in an amazing limo. I guess they booked it with the number one rated limousine company in Chicago, and you could tell. Beautifully designed, beautiful interior, classy….and fully stocked refrigerator with beer and champagne! We had a hell of a time, needless to say. And we did our best to not drink all of it before we got to the reception and had to make speeches.

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Choosing the best bridesmaid to hit on…seriously…it’s important.

Well, I told you this would be entertaining didn’t I? I am aware the title sounds pretty douchey…but I promised this would be diverting and I always keep my promises. And hell, this is my site, so I can do that…right? Right!

So, as I’ve said before, I’ve been involved in a lot of weddings, either as a guest or as part of the entertainment/services being provided. As a guest, I’ve been a groomsmen as well as just a friend attending. In some cases, ok a lot of cases, I was someone’s date. Obviously, there was no singling out bridesmaids to hit on on those occasions. I’m really not a douche. Promise.

Let’s be honest with ourselves here. Women, and men most times, are very emotionally vulnerable at weddings. Weddings, at the spirit and core of it all, are an event where we witness, at least theoretically speaking, true love right before our eyes. The bride and groom. They share with the world there devotion and promises of dedication to one another through the best times and through the absolute worst times. Everyone believes they are witnessing the embodiment of love. I believe that to be true also. In most cases anyway. Then there’s the weddings of friends I know weren’t exactly thinking of their “devotion” or vows they were about to make to their bride when they were making out with strippers and trying to get with sleazy chicks the night before at the bachelor party.

One particular bachelor party that I was in charge of, I had rented an awesome limo and we were having a blast, although my fellow groomsmen brought some hookers onto the bus. My buddy that was getting married couldn’t keep his hands off them. Our limo actually dropped it’s transmission in downtown Chicago and we had to have it towed to a transmission shop on the eastside, all the while he’s hitting on the tow-truck driver who was trying to load the limo, who strangely happened to be a female. Just pathetic.

But we aren’t here to talk about jackasses! Screw them. They suck and they don’t deserve the woman they intend on marrying.

I personally have never been married, and I intend on keeping it that way for a while. Guess I haven’t fallen in to “true loves” entanglement yet. I’m ok without all the stress of being in the spotlight. I would rather hit on bridesmaids any wedding day!

The first thing when deciding who best to flirt with is to obviously find the one you are most attracted to, and then make friends with the dope she’s paired up with. There’s this unspoken rule that groomsmen have first dibs on their bridesmaid partner. But, this is an easily overcome rule if you know how to work the angle properly. See, the bridesmaid needs to know that she should be paying more attention to you than she should her partner. Some times it’s not hard at all. Other times requires a little more effort. Having conversations with her partner with her present not only helps her understand more about you, but it also helps her know more about her partner, and often times they aren’t as great as their 3 piece suit would indicate.

The reason why this is so important is because it is a real-time comparison for your would-be girl of you and your competition. She is able to size up the both of you and subconsciously decide who it is she will be dancing with, taking shots with, and eventually exchanging numbers with by nights end. Hopefully you’re not a complete loser and have a list of legitimate accomplishments or passions that would stand up to potential competition from her partner. The rest is up to you to be good and personable with your words. Nothing unnatural, don’t lie…whatever you do. Some guys are very proficient at lying and they are usually the ones that, at their wedding, are the ones whose behavior at the bachelor party is less than appropriate. Those guys are the jackasses I referred to earlier, they’re just in an earlier phase.

Anyway, never lie. It’s a self-inflicted trap. Ultimately, the best victory is a true victory. You can’t call it a true victory if it based on falsehoods. And it most certainly won’t bring you any closer to experiencing for yourself what we all go to weddings to witness in the first place: TRUE Love!

Good luck out there Gents!

Weddings, and why I hate the first part…

So, nothing against anyone that decides to get married, but it has never really been my cup o’ tea, so to speak. I’ve had serious girlfriends that it seemed it was their mission in life to find the best possible guy and marry him before the age of 25. I was always of the opinion that life didn’t really get too exciting until after graduating college when at that point you could, if you decided to, take a significant amount of time to explore the world. Apparently, my ex-girlfriends did not share my sentiment. Which is why they’re still living mostly in the same area they grew up in and have been married for several years with multiple kiddos to boot.

I remember on the eve of one of my more serious girlfriend’s 25th birthdays her sharing with me, while literally fighting back tears, that she had always planned on being married with children by 25 yrs. old. I almost spit in my beer… I could not fathom how anyone could make it their ultimate goal in life to be chained to the kind of heavy responsibility marriage and family brings so early on in young adulthood. I laughed and told her she was mental, which most definitely did not get me into her pants that night or even in the same bed. Ah well, she’s the one who didn’t get birthday sex, right? I still justify my ill-advised comment to this day using that reasoning. That being said, I believe I learned my lesson. Women don’t like to be called on their crazy. They know they are, they know we know they are, but it is never ok to say it out loud within earshot or slapping distance of them.

Anyway, back to why I hate the first part of weddings. Back when I was a wee lad I actually didn’t mind the ceremonial portion of weddings. It was the part everyone loved most, took the most pictures of and cried over and applauded as the bride and groom made their first intimate physical contact…the kiss (haaaahahaha, man was I naïve). But as I got older and was dragged to more and more weddings by this girlfriend or that, which mostly involved complete flipping strangers, the more I began to loathe the ceremony of it. I found myself yawning during the minister’s droll interpretation of what marriage means in the eyes of God, as though he had just gotten a pep talk in the back room by the big dude himself right before swishing his far-too-luxurious-for-a-humble-man-of-gods’ robes to the front of the congregation.

My buddy that owns a limo company in Phoenix, AZ sees this all the time, and we share stories and have a good laugh on it.

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The good, the bad, the bridezillas. A wedding photographer’s not so special day.

We’ve all been to weddings. It’s that day that is of the utmost importance to the bride and groom and must go off without a hitch. Everything MUST be PERFECT! Some weddings are years in the making.

wedding photography

All that planning, coordinating, color scheming, dress fittings, suit measurements, invitation color selection, invitation design selection, invitations’ invitation, invitations, invitations, invitations… I think most brides would agree that this is one of the most important parts of the entire experience.

It is the first glimpse guests have at the special event they are being invited to share with the couple. It is of the utmost importance that it be exemplary of the couple’s love and devotion and that it properly paints a picture of how their special day will be a perfect representation of that love and devotion they have for one another.

This monologue is not about that love and devotion. Although it is the most important element of “THE day!” there are many other elements that are of utmost importance to other people at the wedding. Primarily, that person is the wedding photographer, or at least for the purposes of this article.

The photographer has possibly the hardest job of anyone hired for their services.

I’m sure the wedding planner would argue with me, but let’s consider the two jobs. Yes, the wedding coordinator has to plan every little detail of the day to make sure that everything goes exactly according to plan. But after the day is done, where is the ongoing proof of their work?

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Welcome to SF Wedding Giveaway

Hey, I’m Crasher. That’s my real name. (It’s not.)

I’m a super busy guy. (I’m not.)

And I have a passion for weddings. (It’s true.)

I’ve been working weddings for a long time. What does that mean?

Well, I used to crash them, yes. But I’ve also been a photographer, a caterer, a DJ, and a planner.

Now, I’m expanding my reach and getting into the cyberspace. Why not? Next evolution of my work. I never want to stop expanding and growing.

Anyway, I figure I can reach more people this way and touch more lives, which, according to the Law of Effection, is exactly how you make it to millionaire status (or billionaire status)… the more people you can help, the more lives you can touch, the more money you’ll make.

Living the dream

It’s my passion to help people and the avenue I take to do that is through weddings.

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